So I bit the bullet and put some cash into Full Tilt last night. Now, don't get me wrong, it's a fine site, fine people work there, everything is very fine. My problem is a very unique personal one.
Hello, my name is ScurvyDog, and I'm a bonusholic.
No matter how bad a bonus is, once I get a whiff of it, I can't let go, and stubbornly stay until I clear the damn thing, come hell or high water. Usually this stubborness serves me well, as most bonuses can be cleared in a reasonable amount of time, no matter how onerous the terms. Except for *cough*, Full Tilt, *cough*.
It's the scene of my one and only aborted bonus mission. That's right, folks. I deposited for the bonus in the past there, attempted to clear it, and fled like a wee little girl, hanging my head in shame. Never to return, turning my back ont he siren's call of hundreds of dollars of bonus money. Until now.
The plan is to stick to my guns, play a little razz (which I'd never played a single hand of) in preparation for the upcoming blogger tournament, then get the hell out. Because the last thing I need to do is get stubborn and try to work that damn bonus money off, with some money other juicy bonuses out there. We shall see.
But yeah, razz. I had a lot of fun playing last night, despite the fact that, umm, I didn't know what the hell I was doing. Not that it's rocket science, obviously, but I have a feeling my starting hand selection was a little too loose. I made a few bucks (literally, I think I finished up $3.00) but that was only due to some fishy luck, staying in hands I had no business even being in and catching the runner runner low cards I needed. It's a nice change of pace, though, and I wish more online sites offered it. I'll never be a good Stud player I fear, but razz seems a little easier on the mind and easier to play solidly.
I'm sort of catching the ass-end of variance right now, as far as general poker playing goes. Not much to do but suck it up and deal. Starting this month, I'm trying to pretend that I've actually made the leap, as far as doing the degenerate stuff as a full-time job (instead of looking at what I make as yippee, fun money). So far I'm having a hard time getting my head around the concept.
While the cold cards are a part of it, I keep pushing too hard in individual sessions/days, trying to make something happen, trying to book the necessary profit for the day. I know, rationally, that it's a big long session, and that in any given profitable month(s) the actual profits come in spurts and bursts, instead of being evenly distributed. I can look at my past results and see this with my own monkey eyes. But it's hard to remember that when you're booking losing session after losing session, feeling like the world's biggest idiot for ever considering you could do this full-time.
All of which is good to absorb and learn and adjust to now, when it's still all pretend-like, instead of in the future, when it's real-like.