Saturday, June 25, 2005

An Open Letter to My Girlfriend, Poker

Girlfriend, you gots to start treating me better. No ifs, ands, or buts. Gots to.

I'll admit that I like the little games we play, the back and forth, hot and cold, she loves me, she loves kicking me repeatedly in the junk tango. I like a challenge. There's nothing whatsoever wrong with fast horses and faster women but girlfriend, I like the fact that nothing about you is easy and that you keep me on my toes.

But moderation, baby, moderation. You need to savvy up to that or I may just go on walkabout for awhile, take a slow train to Albuquerque.

Deal me AA, flop me a third A, but have me lose to a guy with 22, who capped it all the way with just a pair of 2s, only to catch runner runner spades so that his 2 of spades plays for the flush? Damn, baby. I may have not always treated you the best, but there's not a single solitary thing I could ever do to you to deserve that.

That's just low down and mean, baby. Spiteful.

Losing with quad Ks to quad As? Come on, baby. Don't be like that. Not only is that bad, baby, but that's bad beat jackpot bad. Epicly bad. Like 1 in 12.7 kajillion bad.

I'm not saying you have to always treat me good, baby. Just don't treat me so damn bad.



Mourn said...

Dude, your girlfriend sounds like a real bitch.

TripJax said...

excellent post. excellent.


BSN said...

too bad Baryr White is dead, or you could sell him this as the lyrics to his next hit song....



Donkeypuncher said...


Joe Speaker said...

very nice. Those beats make mine look like child's play. Like the real world equivalent of a girlfriend giving you syphillis.