Wednesday, June 15, 2005

The Return of Teddy Ruxpin

Thank Jebus, they're bringing back Teddy Ruxpin. Finally, at long last, I can sleep at night.

No, no I can't. Why not? Because that thing is FUCKING CREEPY. It was FUCKING CREEPY in the 1980's and guess what? It's still FUCKING CREEPY.

Did you improve it somehow, to make it less FUCKING CREEPY? Nay.

"MP3 cartridges have replaced his original cassette tapes, but Teddy Ruxpin's animatronic eyes and mouth will still move in trademark fashion as he narrates a series of stories about the land of Grundo."

Land of Grundo, my ass.

I was absolutely terrified by Teddy Ruxpin as a wee lad, sure I would wake up at night and find it holding a pillow over my mouth, those eyes rotating and grinding around and around, giggling in its FUCKING CREEPY voice.

Care Bears, pfft, whatever, bring 'em back, pitch it to those who love all things retro, who cares. Cabbage Patch kids, meh, stupid big headed dolls. But for the sake of the wee baby Jebus, leave that FUCKING CREEPY Teddy Ruxpin in the shallow grave he was safely buried in.

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