I've received lots of variations on the below email, due to the fact that I have 182,102 affiliate accounts set up at online poker sites and casinos. By and large it doesn't impact me finacially, since they send these out to US-based affiliates regardless of whether they owe you money or not, so I'm sharing for the humor element, and not because I'm upset or owed money or feeling shafted.
I'm also summarizing, so the below isn't a copy-and-pasted email I've received (which should be obvious, but, you know, just saying):
Dear Valued and Treasured Affiliate Partner Based in the US:
Due to recent changes, we are unfortunately no longer able to send you affiliate payments that you have earned, either by electronic means, bank wire, or by check. Rest assured, this is not because we hate you or don't appreciate you promoting out sites, it's simply a reflection of the fact that we can't currently process any withdrawals for US-based players and affiliates.
Don't despair, though, because there's great news! You can still transfer your affiliate commissions to your personal player account, so you still have access to your commissions! We're dedicated to ensuring that you always have access to your affiliate commissions, because we love you!
So keep promoting our sites, and please to be ignoring the tiny detail that, umm, US based player accounts still can't withdraw their funds, so your money is still stuck with us, indefinitely!
Your Favorite Online Gambling Affiliate Program