This last week off from the day job nearly killed me, as far as pretty much non-stop manual labor of all sorts, including landscaping, ripping out tile, ceilings, and walls at the investment property, cutting up trees, and the lugging of many, many rocks and stones around. Feels good to be a non-sedentary monkey, but I'm pretty much running on fumes today, after a week or so of actual honest-to-Jebus work. Which is kind of sad, in some ways, but it is what it is.
My head's been in a bit of a weird place of late, and I'm not sure what to do about it. It's not exactly malaise, really, but a close cousin. While I enjoy my scheming and plotting 90% of the time (whether it's affiliate marketing or investing in real estate or whatever), I do occasionally bottom out, and start questioning all of it. Is this really how I should be spending my life? How exactly am I bettering anyone's life by all of this?
And, really, it's pretty simple and nuts-and-boltsy. I really admire people who just do their thing, whatever that thing is, and find a way to make it work. Doesn't matter what it is, whether they're rich or poor, or any of that. They enjoy doing something, so they do it, and fit everything else around that, finding a way to make it all work. Sometimes it involves a lot of uncertainty and risk, as far as whether or not it'll fly. They just do it, though, trusting in the fact that doing what they enjoy is worth the risk, and confident in their ability to make it work.
Despite (or maybe "Because of") all my schemings and plottings, I hardly ever truly risk much. Yes, indeed, I usually have a grander plan, almost always one that involves one day escape the grind of mindless day jobs, and I do work pretty hard towards that plan, but I've never, ever made a complete leap of blind faith and pursued it. Even if I know that a successful leap would leave much happier, content, and satisfied. I always keep one foot firmly anchored in the Land of Safety and Responsibility. Which is, you know, responsible of me, but sometimes I wonder if a healthy dash of fuckitallletsseewhathappens might serve me a lot better, in the long run.
As much as it pains me to say this, not the most exciting March Madness this year. It's not just that the top seeds are having their way with the field, but also that the eventual clashes of top seeds have been pretty ho-hum. Doesn't help much that my assorted brackets went up in flames early, or that I have little love in my heart for the Ohio States, UCLAs, and north Carolinas of the world, but most of the Sweet 16 games on have been pretty Meh in my book. Of course, I'll be begging for some Meh games when it's over and done, with nothing to look forward to sports-wise other than exciting, gripping early season baseball games.
Glad to see that Neteller finally released some more vague, non-committal news about maybe knowing when they'd possibly be able to start thinking about refunding money to US accounts. While I'll obviously likely always keep a pretty close eye on doings in the world of online poker, part of me is pretty happy to close that chapter of my life.
Yes, indeed, I just loaded some cash via ePassporte to try to qualify for some WSOP events, but that's a bit different, and I just can't see myself ever returning to grinding out hands online. It's one of those things that I needed a bit of distance to really grasp, but I don't think I realized at the time the residual, omnipresent feelings of frustration that online poker always managed to stir up in me, aside from the complete and utter time suck. Or, more simply, busting my ass to fix up a house is infinitely more pleasurable, and an equally viable way to make some extra money for the time I put in.