Tuesday, November 22, 2005

A Case of the Mondays...And the Tuesdays...And the Wednesdays...

March better get here soon. I'm not sure what the O/U would be right now, as far as making it until we get our annual bonus checks. What's grinding me down the most isn't the attendent corporate silliness that goes on at HyperMegaGlobalCorp, as I honestly find that more amusing than anything these days. What's grinding me is the fact that my day-to-day work is so mind-numbingly monotonous and unchanging, and has absolutely no consequence to anyone, either internal or external.

Although the little things do still make me laugh. We're on a big "Innovation" kick lately, but in the capital I sense. Which basically means that everyone is required to insert the word "innovation" approximately 17 times in any communication, and to roll out assorted programs to encourage "Innovation" but to never, at any point, do anything practical like actually consider adding new product features or examining any internal/external business processes.

As part of the Innovation Initiative, they're holding Blue Sky lunches, in which people are randomly invited to "brainstorm" and "build mind share leadership". I just got invited. Which is cool, as I need to do more stuff like that for my LDP (Leadership Development Process), to boost my L ratings. The invitation for the Blue Sjy lunch is very snazzy, professionally printed, and all that jazz. And the best part is that it comes with a decoder circle, as the text is written in code, so you have to align the decoder wheel to a certain key and then translate the letters.

Except the whole damn thing is written in code, and has two typos. It literally took me half an hour to decode it, and in the end it says something like "Join us for a brainstorming session in which we'll innovate and build mind share around a variety of topics that include a variety of business initiatives and opportunities to lead by winning and excel through the use of innovative, non-linear solutions."

The wonderful irony of that is the text that was encoded is, in essence, already disguised in corporate speak to the point of being well-nigh indecipherable.

In other news, you damn Vegas-attending bloggers really know how to rub it in, with cool announcement after cool announcment. All I have to say is that some poker site needs to step up and sponsor all of us non-attendees, who, you know, must spend the holidays with family and loved ones. Think of all the good will and positive press you'd generate by kicking a turkey our way, or some stocking stuffers, or even a damn Yule log.


TenMile said...

I think, maybe, we have already received the Log.

Joe Speaker said...

Today's goal is for me to work "mind share leadership" into as many sentences as possible.

Our latest internal memoranda invited people to "voluntarily separate" themselves from employment. Those that don't choose to do so are subject to "involuntary separation."

Happy Holidays!

Human Head said...

Good Lord. I thought the flyeres where I work said nothing. That was truly the black hole of corporate speak.

I weep for you, sir.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get innovative on somebody's ass :)

BSN said...

Re: WPBT-Vegas - Um, yeah, what he said. I'm literally cringing with jealousy right now.

I honestly believe the most 'non-linear' thing a business could do these days is simply subscribe to the KISS (Keep It Simple, Stupid) theory.

But, then, someone would find a way to make a Program out of it (anyone remember Work Simplification? Lean? Six-Sigma?).