Monday, July 18, 2005

Weary

I was all primed to type up a big honking post, lamenting all sorts of things, waxing and railing eloquently on any and all things poker related, the dizzying highs and lows, agonies and triumphs, trials and tribulations.

You know what? Screw that.

I'm weary of poker. It won this round. Kudos to you, poker.

I'll be back. But this last week has been brutal, to the extent that I have very little desire to play the game known as poker. I should be happy that people call three bets cold pre-flop with 36o, then cap every street with only a gutshot straight draw, no pair, no flush, nothing, only to hit on the river and crack my flopped set of aces. I should be happy that I was dealt AA 14 times on Sunday, only to go 1-13 with them. (And the one hand I won was when I had AA in the BB and everyone folded around to me, which was the first time that happened in thirty minutes or so.)

Instead I'm just very, very weary. I feel like I'm not only playing with my cards face up, but that someone is setting up the deck while I'm taking a leak, tweaking it to maximize the pain of the eventual outcome.

I'm weary of reading blogs and forums that deal with mid/high limits, as the vast majority of people who post seemingly informative, helpful info are far too consumed with proving just how big their cocks are, instead of posting anything close to the results they're actually experiencing.

I'm weary of trying to change things up, and playing some MTTs, getting knocked out 5 spots from the money after fighting and clawing and playing the best poker I can play, when someone seemingly coasting to the money suddenly wakes up and calls off 60% of their stack with 69o, from the button, for absolutely no reason whatsoever, only to river a straight to crack my KK.

Weary.

So yeah, some sort of break is in order. I have a ton of projects I need to get rolling, so there's always that to keep busy with. Still want to play more live poker, as that's always fun, even when the results are bad. Still going to keep reading and studying, and all that good stuff. Just not going to expose myself to the weary mines, at least for awhile.

I also need to come to terms with the larger fact that I'm just not good enough, at this point in time, to consider poker as a viable source of reasonably substantial income. There it is. My cock is that small. I think it's more a lack of willpower than technical skill, but the end result is the same. The real point is that I can't incorporate poker winnings into any long term strategy, as far as employement goes. So I either have to get off my ass and devote more time and energy to business projects or I need to get off my ass and find another day job that's more satisying and fulfilling. Sinking time into poker is fun, by and large, but it's got nowhere near the +EV that other available pursuits have, at this point and time.

On a brighter note, it seemed like we got a good turnout for the Charlie tourney on PokerStars last night. Many thanks to BG and Iggy for setting that up.

4 comments:

NibRock said...

First, I want to say I love your blog. I hope this bad streak won't stop you from posting.

I was wondering if you're still playing 15/30? If so, have you thought about dropping down to 10/20 or 5/10. I probably have no business even saying this, but after reading your posts from the past couple of months it seems like 15/30 may be too high for you (Not bankroll, but mentally). I say this because of your reaction to your current bad beats and also from the post where you mentioned you sometimes quit if you win a big hand right away.

I have just gone through 2 200BB losing streaks, but I stll want to play. I also remember when I first went to 5/10 I would have thoughts of quitting if I won huge hand early (although I never did). Now if I win a huge hand early I just want to win more.

Heafy said...

I know you'll come back to poker, make a few decent sessions and then it will all be like you never left it. But by the sounds of it you have to give a bit of time and thought to these other "business ventures", so best of luck.

WillWonka said...

I don't want to sound too negative here; but do you think that because your aces got cracked a few times (OK.. more than a few) and you had some bad beats, that you are not a good poker player. From previous reading, I know that not to be the case. So get your butt back out there and continue to play good poker. Unfortunately, everybody suffers their bad streaks. I went 0 for my first 19 $50 SNGs Saturday. Ouch!!!.. but you have to get back on that horse that kicked you and do what you know you gotta do. You've done the homework, you've put in your time at the table, now get back out there and get some +EV sessions and get your confidence back. I know that you can.
But in the end.. you got to do what feels and works best for YOU. I trust that you will make the best decision (whatever that may be).

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