Thursday, October 20, 2005

Smited

I swear, the gambling gods seem to be serious about not posting about positive results. Worst blackjack day ever yesterday. And that's saying a good bit, given some of my past degenerate experiences.

In an attempt to confuse the gambling gods, from now own I shall only openly refer to running well as "picking radishes in Mrs. Applebaum's parlor". So if you read "Knock on wood, but picking radishes in Mrs. Applebaum's parlor has gone very well this month," that means I'm winning.

So far the gambling gods don't seem to care when I post about getting kicked in the junk, so the code phrase for getting kicked in the junk shall remain "getting kicked in the junk."

Due to the fact that decorating for Halloween has taken precedence over everything else at the cube farm, I'm boycotting doing any work whatsoever. This decision was made easier by the fact that I was harassed 3 times in the span of eight minutes as to whether or not I'd taken the Winning Culture Survey yet.

Oh yes, kids, that's correct. Our annual survey in which employees are polled and questioned about working conditions and what-not is actually called the "Winning Culture Survey." Not "Employee Survey" or the "Annual How Much Do You really Hate Working Here Survey", but the "Winning Culture Survey". Or the WCS, as we like to call it. Because, you know, the more acronyms, the better.

What's especially neat is that none of the issues raised are ever directly addressed. Immediately after the completion of the survey they assemble WCATS (Winning Culture Action Teams), who analyze the results and make recommendations as to how future Winning Culture Surveys can more accurately address the concerns and issues of worker monkeys. They usually finish up right before the next year's WCS, with no time to, you know, actually take any action.

No one has ever really been able to explain exactly what "Winning" entails, when it comes to either culture or the survey process. The implied assumption is that being a loser isn't good, so therefore "Winning" is preferred. Any question as to what exactly is to be "won" when it comes to a company's culture, is met with a blank stare. Followed by repeated questioning as to whether or not you've completed the Winning Culture Survey.

I need to pick radishes in Mrs. Applebaum's parlor at a much greater pace and much more often, as the madness in the cube farm grows ever larger over time.

4 comments:

WillWonka said...

I feel your pain brother.. I happened to mention that I had 7 straight up sessions... and to quote John Madden... "boom"... big downer..

when will we ever learn?

Meek said...

WCS, obviously it is a barometer of how reluctant the workforce is to fill out surveys. The metric is how long until they stop filling these out. At that point, 2/3rds of the workforce will be replaced with younger, more impressionable employees.

Also, I think your copy of the Winning Culture Survey contained a misprint. It should be titled the Whining Culture Survey, as it promotes a culture that whines, but does nothing to correct the situation.

Mr. Lumbergh
President
TPS, WCS & Etc Reporting

Huge Junk said...

Just don't refer to anything you believe to be not up to snub as "sucking"...

DuggleBogey said...

What's this I hear about your WCS reports? Didn't you get that memo?

~

And I know it totally changes the context, but the past tense of smite isn't smited, it's smitten.

lol.