Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes...

So it appears that change may be brewing in the wind, as far as the monkey day job. I'm getting a bit ahead of myself and possibly making something out of what will in fact turn out to be nothing, but lately things there are trending in a bad direction, finally dipping into downright manipulative, petty waters.

Long story short, that place sucks. As much as I'd like to stick to the current plan and cruise through six more months there on autopilot, pick up my annual bonus, and run away, giggling, that may not be possible. I'm willing to whore myself out in all sorts of ways for a financial return, but there's a point where even I have to say no mas.

All of which I've been pondering this weekend. And it's interesting, as far as my reaction. From a financial standpoint, I don't have to worry about the impact of losing my monthly paycheck. To be completely honest, I really wouldn't have to sweat it for 6 months or so. Which is a very good thing, for which I'm very grateful.

On the flip side, though, is the fact that I've had a "real" job pretty much continuously since I was 15, with a paycheck guaranteed every month that is sufficient to pay for all of my earthly needs. At no point in the last 15 years or so have I ever had to worry about paying bills or making rent or being unemployed.

ScurvyWife and I have talked this over more than once, and the basic plan, if work becomes untenable, is for me to get the hell out of there, and to give being self-employed a test run for a month or two. Despite my protestations from time to time, part of me would regret at least not giving poker more of a shot, as far as a full-time activity, just to see what sort of results I might be able to produce. And yeah, I'm definitely aware of the fact that even a month or two of full-time play isn't guaranteed to provide a sample size indicative of anything.

If I can't replicate what I was making before, between poker and my other business ventures, then cool, I'll get another job. There's not much of a job market for the insanely narrow thing I'm currently doing, and I'll definitely end up taking a pay cut of sorts, but the job market has been picking up in Austin of late. And, honestly, serving coffee at Starbucks would be more rewarding than where I'm currently at.

The interesting part is how much the idea of not immediately getting another normal day job makes me nervous, more so than I'd have imagined. I can look at bank statements, at our savings account, and what I've squirreled away in IRAs and stocks, and a month of my current salary is a pretty paltry amount in comparison. But imagining having that cut off, even if it's paltry, makes me more nervous than I would have thought.

Not for any logical reason, but just because that's what people "do", they have day jobs and get regular checks. It's what I've always done. Yeah, I scheme endlessly, but it's always supplemental scheming, on top of a regular check from an employer of some sort. Despite the perks of potential liberation from the monkey cage, being out underneath all that open sky, with no guaranteed dinner of bananas, is more than a little scary.

On the other hand, screw that noise. You'd be the dumbest monkey in the world to remain in that situation, subject to the zookeep's fickle moods, if you had a pimped-out El Dorado waiting for you, complete with a couple of monkey hookers and a backseat full of bananas, waiting to whisk you away to much better climes.