Sunday, January 08, 2006

Um, Yeah, See, I'd Stay and Play, But I Have to Go to Church

This playing lots of poker thing is kind of cool. It helps to run well but there's a certain comfort in larger sample sizes. I hadn't really been playing all that much in recent months to get a real dipstick measure of where I was at, and smallish sample sizes at 15/30 and 20/40 can be a bitch sometimes, as far as variance goes.

The main site I'm propping at is pretty low-traffic, so I end up playing whatever is available from 5/10 up, but lots of times I'll end up playing heads-up at 5/10. I won't go so far as to say I necessarily enjoy heads-up at the moment, but I'm getting there. The most interesting part is experimenting with different playing styles, as far as adjusting to whatever the opponent is bringing.

This morning I was sitting alone at a $5/10 table when one of the site regulars sat down, who plays mid limits but is pretty bad. He plays decently well but he's absolutely and utterly predictable and he can't lay down top pair, especially an overpair. Heads-up, he only raises from the SB with fairly strong hands, any ace, any pair, any two cards 10 or higher. He also tilts really, really easily.

We sort of joust around for 15 minutes or so with no real fireworks and then I get up a bit when I hit a few hands. When I'm in the BB I'm calling his preflop raises with pretty much anything except the junkiest of hands. The only wrinkle is that I'm not ever re-raising from my BB preflop, not even with AA. I won't necessarily recommend that, for obvious reasons, but it tends to annoy the hell out of some people, and isn't the worst strategy if you're playing a predictable player.

I take down a few more big pots when I call him down with middle pair and he starts getting pissed. Flopping two pair with 67o to crack his AA doesn't improve his mindset. Flopping the nut flush with AKh when I simply call his pre-flop raise and then getting him to put in 172,182 more bets when he won't accept that his set of Qs is beaten is the final straw.

Villain: amateur hour
Villain: complete amateur hour
Villain: you keep slowplaying like that
Hero: I thought I raised 172 times that hand
Villain: before the flop
Hero: Oh. I put you on aces so I just called. Sorry.

(One thing to note is that I actually have to be polite and courteous to players, as part of the prop agreement. Aside from that, it's a good idea in general since many of the sample people show up all the time, and a goodly number simply aren't very good players, but seem to have disposable income.)

We tread water some more, then I hit a few more hands and bluff raise him on the turn with nothing to take down a few more pots. I then pull out the luckbox mojo and runner runner a straight with what had been an A high I was going to showdown to crack his set of 10s.

Villain: did you just start playing?
Villain: because you're the worst player I've seen on this site
Hero: My church held a poker fundraiser for charity last week, and that's when I learned to play.
Villain: lmfao
Hero: Pardon?
Villain: just play
Villain: lucky ******
Hero: Pardon?
Villain: play

I continue to bash his head in. To be fair, I was catching all sorts of cards, and he was more than a little tilty at that point. This goes both ways heads-up, and I've been in his shoes, so I'm really not boasting or claiming to be a guru of heads-up play. We've probably played 45 minutes or so and I'm up about $300. I'm more than happy to cut and run but I try to give at least a little advance warning.

Hero: Just so you know, I have to leave in 15 minutes to attend church.
Villain: so?
Hero: My pastor said it was good etiquete to let your poker playing friends know when you had to leave the game, especially if you're winning.
Villain: lol
Villain: im not your friend
Villain: and your not going to keep that money long
Villain: worst player on this site
Villain: check back with me in 3 months and let me know how much money you have left
Hero: Well, I plan to tithe 20% of my winnings to the church, so keep that in mind.
Villain: omg

He gets a bit of it back over the next 15 minutes or so, at which point I sit out.

Hero: Thank you for the advice and for playing.
Villain: **** off churchie
Hero: I'll pray for you and tithe $52 to the church today.
Villain: **** you
Villain: suck my ****
Hero: Have a wonderful day.

And then I logged off and, you know, looked at porn for the next twenty minutes.


Gnome said...

That's very funny. The great thing is that you'll see this guy again, and he'll dump off more hundreds. See ya in church!

Performify said...

that's gold, Jerry, gold.

f'ing hilarious scurvy

Heafy said...

Funny stuff.

You'd reckon he would have figured out you were talking bs by the end

ilico said...

great post...

TripJax said...

this one made my night. so good.

kurokitty said...

What he didn't realize is that you were already in church, one that tithes at least 20 percent back to you. All the pastor says is to not skin the sheep. Very funny!

Unknown said...

Catholic school porn, bless you my son.