Monday, February 27, 2006

On Waxing Philosophical About Mortality Because of a Near Death Experience of a Rat

Sherman is still running amuck, seemingly perfectly normal and fine. Appointment with a specialist vet later today, but much research online points to him likely having a stroke, as far as all the almost dying bullshit on Saturday. Which isn't really good news, because rats that typically have a stroke usually have another, in some cases as soon as a few days after the first one, but it's also not the worst news, as some rats also live for quite awhile after a stroke, perfectly fine. He's got all his functioning back and is completely normal and crazy, so ScurvyWife and I are just going to take it a day at a time, spoiling him rotten while we can.

It's kind of funny, how much all of this messed me up. Both of my grandparents died within the last 5 years, and while that obviously is terrible, both became really seriously ill right before the end, and both lived pretty long, satisfying lives. I was really sad when they died but it didn't really hit me or, more importantly, make me reassess my life, and exactly what I was doing.

The dumb rat nearly dying, though, hit me pretty hard. I know, that's a terrible thing to admit, especially in comparison to the death of one's grandparents, but hell, it's true. To be fair, it's not so much the rat himself (although he is a pretty cool little rat), but the pretty direct reminder that no matter how happy and peaceful your life may be, shit happens.

I've been floating along in a happy, comfortable place for awhile now, pretty much ever since I met ScurvyWife, and this is the first thing to shake that up, as far as the wee world we've carved out getting turned upside down. And this isn't even a major upheaval, just a pet rat getting sick.

Where I'm going with this, I do not know. I'm not going to make any grand pronouncements that I'll later bail out on, but I think I need to step back and relax a bit in general, and spend more time trying to find ways to make mine and ScurvyWife's lives a happier place, instead of perpetually scheming and grinding. Granted, a lot of that scheming and grinding is so we're more comfortable and happy in the future, so it's not entirely selfish and misplaced, but the future is pretty worthless if you're not enjoying the present.

I just don't want to regret (either a year from now, five years from now, or twenty years from now) all of the time I spent doing (insert activity here) instead of (insert more fulfilling, important activity here).

And yeah, poker, I'm pretty much looking directly at you when I say that, hoss. So you better be on good behavior. Much better behavior than you were on yesterday.


StudioGlyphic said...

Glad to hear the rat's doing better.

Though I can't really imagine having a rat running around my house. How about some pictures so we can see how cute/uncreepy he is?

Candygoth said...

There is something in loss that is so hard to describe, and can bring out the most unusual sides in us all. I am also glad the rat is doing better.